Hey skiing. It’s me. Listen, I wrote you some long, stupid letter about how your choices have affected me, and how I won’t support you unless you make some changes. But the truth is that I’m going to be there whether you choose to associate yourself with shitty music or not. I know, I know, I’m an enabler and I’m ruining the intervention, but I’m just being honest.
I’m not going to preach to you, or plead. I’m just here to share a little bit of my experience, strength, and hope as a recovering shitty music fan.
You see, what started out as an innocent love affair with Dave Matthews, quickly became an obsession—an obsession that led me to a dark, dark place. If it weren’t for that DMB concert in ’94, I never would’ve gone on to open those Mariah Carey and Britney Spears CDs in order to masturbate to the liner notes in the teeny bathroom at the indie record store I worked at. Also, I don’t think I would’ve then been fired for smoking PCP out back whilst leaving the store unlocked and unattended. Don’t you see that this shit is killing you? I don’t want to find you with your pants around your ankles, hunched over a filthy sink someday, ogling Miley Cyrus!!
I know you have a long road to recovery, and I don’t expect you to fall in love with Coltrane and Tom Waits over night….so I found a few gems in the rough for you to get all hyphy with, or whatever it is you kids call it these days.
De La Soul – “Stakes is High”- Produced by none other than the soulful architect, Jay Dee (RIP Dilla), Stakes is a classic. It’s jazzy, funky, and….great. Perfect for a mid-season edit, preferably filmed primarily on cloudy, flat-light days.
Kardinal Offishal – “Ol’ Time Killin’”- Ideal for those that find it impossible to ride without at least one rasta colored garment, but who just can’t bring themselves to edit around yet another Kya Bamba track.
Cam’ron – “Down and Out” feat. Kanye West and Syleena Johnson*- The song perfectly suited for any number of the oft-injured, or conspicuously absent. Maybe C-Van will finally drop that banger for Level1 that we’ve all been clamoring for. Maybe Tanner and Candide will crash PBP’s park shoot and show the youngin’s how it’s done. Or…maybe Travis Heed will rise like a phoenix from the ashes of Wicked and show everyone how sleeping on rails is supposed to go.
*NOTE: Obscurity, in and of itself, is not the aim, friends…it’s OK to use songs that other people have actually heard, and that didn’t come out tomorrow.